Walks With My Grandfather

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When I was younger I would walk and the pain in my feet would make me have to stop. I would make it less than a block and have to sit on the side of the road and wait for the throbbing to cease. My grandfather would sit next to me and wait for me to feel better, and then we would walk along. It was him on the outside and me on the balance beam of the curb as he caught me when I slipped. I was happy when I walked with him. The pain was worth it to walk and talk to my grandfather and I always knew that when I needed to sit down, he would always sit with me.

There are days I wish I could walk that neighborhood loop, sit down on that curb and look on the smiling face of my grandfather as he waits for me, but those days are gone now. I’m far from that neighborhood loop and the road I walk now is unfamiliar. It is much harder and filled with trip-ups, snares, and traps, and the number of people I’m walking with dwindles daily. There’s no curb on this road, and it goes against the flow of the majority making it far less popular than the nicely-paved, easy road of the majority.

This way is the way of God. He called me off the paved road and onto the rough path while I was still walking with my grandfather. Some days I try to walk in the right way, but it feels more like I’m in the way. God has tried to call me to walk with Him on His path, but I want to stay where I’m comfortable. I want to stay where I am; in the loop that I know in my neighborhood. I know what the snares look like and I am pretty good at overcoming them. I know the people who are walking here with me, but I cannot move forward because I am in the way and not on the way.

The paved road looks good and feels nice to walk on every now and then. The paths are smooth and the grade is easy. I can walk in any direction I want and there are a lot of people on it. No one tells you what to do or where to go. The more I walk on these paths, the more I want to stay on them. Something inside me feels wrong about this though. The knot in my stomach grows and the voice in my head telling me to move off this road gets louder and louder. Something is wrong about this path and I am told where it leads.


God walks alongside me through His Holy Spirit, living and active with me.


Today, I am walking on a new path. One that is unfamiliar. One that leads in and out of the wilderness, leading me to a small oasis to fill up when I’m running dry. There are new snares,  but on this road, I do not walk alone. The road is narrow and cliffs rest on either side. When my feet begin to hurt, my body breaks down and I need to sit on the ledge, my God sits next to me and smiles as He waits for me to feel better and then we walk along. It’s Him on the outside and me on the balance beam of the narrow way as He catches me when I slip. He is happy when I walk with Him. The pain is worth it to walk and talk with my God, as I see less and less of the paved road, and more and more of the adventure that happens on the narrow road.

This is the way God has called me and I know where this road goes. The more I walk on it, the more I desire to walk with God. The more I walk on it the more I desire to be more like Him and bring others with me, helping them see the dangers of the paved and easy path. I slip and fall but God graciously catches me and puts me back on the right way. God walks alongside me through His Holy Spirit, living and active with me. This is the road Jesus calls us to walk on and He has shown us it is worth it.

Even If…

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Even if…

It’s a constant question floating around in my mind. A question that brings doubts and fears with it. A question that can flood my mind in any given situation. I have a lot of things I am working on and giving to the Lord, but worrying is by far my deepest struggle.

Each and every experience in our lives has the potential to shape us. Sometimes, we forget to realize that we tend to perceive from those circumstances what is “safe” and what is “not safe”. In every situation from that moment on, we make preconceived judgments before we actually know what is truly safe. I know in my life that the experiences I have overcome or the hurts I have endured tend to follow me and pop up in my thoughts on occasion, based on the scenarios I daily find myself in.

When someone says something that an old friend once said, you instantly think they will betray you in the same way.

When someone is upset with you, you immediately think that person’s anger will escalate until there are hurtful words being spoken like before.

When the person you love is distant, you think they will leave because you have watched it happen in the past.

These are all agreements…Lies.

Lies we have believed to be true about every single circumstance we face.

Lies we have held on to that are keeping us from growth.

Lies from the very pit of hell.

Continue reading “Even If…”

Time with God; Check.

6971254-morning-sunrise-pictures-20839During a time of prayer, someone described a beautiful place and said that was where me and God meet, just the two of us. Then came the knife. The person said they felt God say He wished I’d come there more often.

My time is valuable. Rest is not easy for me, and I still struggle to ever truly rest. It has left me a lot of days feeling like an exhausted race horse. I did a lot of running but never felt like I got any where. It was never enough. So for God to want more of my time just seemed like adding more to the list. I remember coming to God with a rushed attitude. He had five minutes to tell me what He had to say, and then here was my list of requests. Time with God; check.
Continue reading “Time with God; Check.”

White Noise


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Do you ever have those seasons of life where you wake up one day and realize that it has been far too long since you spent quality time with God? I just recently got out of one of those seasons. It was one of those moments where I had grown weary and frustrated not only with those around me, but with myself as well. And as I arrived at my last straw, feeling so out of place and lost as to who I really was, I realized that it had been a scarily long time since I had been in the presence of God. Once I came to this realization, I took time to abide in God’s presence and it was as though the sun had broken through the cloudiness of my thoughts and feelings. As though my life had found its center once more.

It was not the first, and unfortunately I can only assume that it will not be the last, time I go through one of those seasons. The reality is that we are messed up human beings who allow ourselves to get crowded, overwhelmed and distracted by far lesser things than the God we serve. Though we know we desperately need the presence of God to sustain us in our very lives it is often the first thing we spurn and set aside when life gets too “busy.” Continue reading “White Noise”