I Am Not My Marital Status

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Singleness…UGH! I hate that term. I hate it! I hate the subject. I hate the attitude that so many people have about it. Recently, I was sent an article by a friend and was asked my thoughts on the content. It was a response to the options that single women have today. I was horrified. Horrified and disappointed. Horrified at the perceived “options” that we have and disappointed at the response. While I agreed with it in part, I was bothered by the overall attitude that I am my marital status.

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An Odd Time & An Odd Place

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My wife and I were sitting in first class on The Chunnel heading to the City of Love, and I was gutted by the absence of connection between us. I had known her for most of my adult life, and I had grown accustomed to the distance that failed to dissipate with time. We grew close early on and then it was as if we hit our ceiling. We had almost raised our family, the nest was emptying out, and I realized that I was emptied out too. Moments like this don’t simply happen but are born and grown over time. She looked up at me and asked me what I was so deep in thought about, “What are you thinking?”

Dare I answer? Dare I speak the raw truth that gripped my mind?

I had been in a trance of thought with my face toward the glass, with this one phrase rolling over and over in my head. I wanted to make this pounding thought audible, but I wrestled. I knew these would be the harshest words she has ever heard from me, and once spoken, there would be no getting them back. And so I did, in a quiet yet resolved tone, I spoke, and each time I repeated the phrase I was more convinced of this truth, “I am done.” The vocal admission was euphoric, and felt like one of the most honest and intimate moments of our marriage.

I am done.

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Dream Again

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God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, His Spirit deeply and gently within us.
Ephesians 3:20-21 MSG


It was storming. The house was quiet. The power was out. And my step-son and I were curled up watching a movie on my computer while the battery ever so slowly diminished.

As I sat there next to him, the kid’s movie began discussing how out of reach a dream can be and the somewhat unattainable and unrealistic dream needed to be forgotten. My ears seemed to perk up at this somewhat grown up “humor” and I giggled while thinking how true that can be.

Rewind to the start of 2016.

I am 1 year into marriage and still trying to figure out the new God-given roles that I have found myself in. I began to ask God what it was He wanted me to focus on in this brand new year He was about to give me. And I heard two words…

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Marriage Challenge

“The reason that marriage is so painful and yet wonderful is
because it is a reflection of the gospel, which is painful and wonderful
at once. The gospel is this: We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves
than we ever dared believe, yet at the very same time we are more
loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope. This is the only kind of relationship that will really transform us.”
Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage


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Marriage. It always seems like a walk in the park when you’re about to say the vows with your love for the rest of your life. You think, “Our love will carry us through any difficulty we might face.” But to be honest, that is a Hallmark phrase and life is not a Hallmark movie.

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