Loving Him Despite It All

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God was there in the beginning and God is Love, but I wasn’t there in the beginning…and I don’t feel that love right now. There are days when it’s hard to love others, but God says that those are the most important days to do just that. I stand with this reality in front of me on those days, and it’s difficult to say yes to a love that I do not see in action in others. I do not exist seeing the fullness of time knowing the eternal insignificance of my anger and the importance of love. I don’t want to see the fullness of time because the momentary affliction is too strong for me to wrap around my mind.

It is not easy to be the one sitting on the inside trying to look out at these issues. When the ones that I am called to love are fighting me at every opportunity they get, how can I be expected to love then? Sometimes I sit and wonder if it wouldn’t just be easier to not love at all. I wonder if I could exist in a world of solitude knowing that I don’t have to be hurt when my brother in Christ turns to me and looks me in the eye and lies. I wonder if it’s easier to exist in a world without commitment and accountability when he takes that advice I give him and spits it in my face. I wonder if it’s easier to love without covenant when my loved ones and I fight to the point where it gets too personal and too direct. When the resistance gets so strong I can’t stand, where is God’s teaching of love?


When the resistance gets so strong I can’t stand, where is God’s teaching of love?


What exactly am I expected to do? I turn to the books and I re-read them, but what I’m reading has lost its meaning long ago. I flip through the pages of my bible looking for the answer but the Spirit sends me back only with the commandment to, “love as I loved first.” These words sting in my ears because they are the very reality I am fighting against. Love. What a word to come from someone I have cursed out in my prayers and yet He stays there. Am I expected to understand the depths of love from Someone who knew my every action while sitting on the outside of time and said yes? How can I stand in between the pain of my brother and the ones I love with this knowledge in my brain and say nothing?

I come back to the depths of my mind and ask, “Where am I to go?” God sends me back to the beginning and asks me where I am. I look into the depths of Him and see myself there. In the beginning of time. When God was love, and I was on His mind. He loved me first, and I chose to fight Him every opportunity I got. He loved me first, and I looked Him in His all-seeing eyes and I lied. He loved me first when I cursed His Spirit as He called my life and made it personal and direct. He loved me first when the resistance got so strong and I said no to the forgiveness of His Son, and yet He still called me back with those three words. Love Me first.

Life Is Too Short For ‘What Ifs?’

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Life is too short to live in constant concern of what might happen…

Give your heart to God and love others like crazy! That’s the way Jesus responds to the Pharisee in Matthew 22:36-39…well that’s paraphrased… this is what it actually says:

“When asked ‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’
Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.'”

I’m not sure how you go around in life but far too often the wheels in my head are in full amped mode. Like, what would happen if I did this or didn’t do that? What about that person at work? I’m not sure they like me. What if, what if, what if…??? Oh, what a vicious cycle.


What if, what if, what if…??? Oh, what a vicious cycle.


I’ve lived it, carried it and hung on to those things for dear life and in doing so paralyzed myself from loving, moving forward or enjoying this amazing life I’ve been given.

I’m learning to do more loving and a lot less ‘What if…?’. Yes, we must be wise but at the end of the day, I have to know in Whom I serve. And if I can’t trust God with my unknowns, why would I think keeping them to myself and analyzing them to death are going to make any difference?

So, if you’re missing out on the possible joys of this life because of ‘What if…?’, just try what Jesus said: Love God first and love others like we should be loving ourselves.

Life is short but it’s lovely if…we’ll release it to Him!

Give Back

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A few years back I decided that I needed to find something I could do to pour into my community and be a blessing, even in the busiest seasons of my life. I can tend to get into very busy seasons which make it difficult to set regular volunteering commitments and keep them. So, I thought I would try to find something that was meaningful to me, helpful to others and flexible, no matter how my schedule might shift. Sometimes the place to find a need to fill is in a place that you or someone you love at one time had need.  Continue reading “Give Back”

3 Important Lessons on Forgiveness

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“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” – Colossians 3:13


Forgive. It’s such a small word that packs big a punch. When dealing with ourselves, we want forgiveness to be offered to us freely. When dealing with others, it’s not something we quickly jump to or even want in moments of hurt.

For such a small word, Jesus has big thoughts on the matter. This year, He has taught me just what it means to forgive. Not the passive, “I want to move past this conversation and get over this awkwardness,” forgiveness. But the kind that brings you to love the person, to see them as Christ sees them, and ultimately hope for their good. So, below are just a few things God has revealed to me on the topic of forgiving others and letting His love heal those dark and hurting places. Continue reading “3 Important Lessons on Forgiveness”

Uncomfortable Love

Most of us live in a rather sheltered and comfortable community, and sometimes it can be easy to hear intensely difficult stories and think, “That is so foreign to me. I can not relate at all.” And maybe we write it off because we didn’t find it relative to us, or maybe we glaze over it because we don’t want to hear those kinds of things and expose ourselves to that level of hurt and pain. We want to protect ourselves from the heavy, dark and painful things in this world.

Well, I want to speak into that self-protective tendency in us all. Cause I can do the same thing, especially when my own life is feeling pretty heavy. However, I have a unique perspective on this, because I actually have one of those intense stories as my own story. It has often been difficult for others to hear. It makes them face the evil that exists in this world. An evil that I never had a choice in knowing about.

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Continue reading “Uncomfortable Love”