“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you” – Isaiah 43:2
This verse has resonated with me a great deal recently. I feel like the Lord just kept saying it to me over and over again this past week as my anxiety crept up in the way it usually does. This anxiety is not necessarily due to any one certain thing, but everything–the small and the big. I like to be in control of all aspects of my life, and when I realize I’m not, it can feel so immensely halting. The unknown can feel truly crippling at times. I’ve struggled to give this control over to God for so long. For too long I’ve fought this battle by myself, not letting anyone else take control. Especially not the One who wants to take it all from me. I am only so strong.
And as I let this verse from Isaiah settle in my mind and in my heart, I realized I don’t need to be afraid anymore. I’ve struggled with this burden for as long as I can remember and I don’t want to fight this battle alone. I don’t need to fight this alone. I can keep trying my plan…or I can yield to God. His grace abounds in deepest waters and I feel God’s grace most when He settles the storms inside me. I know He can use these struggles to draw us closer to Him and this includes the anxiety we may feel in life.
Admitting I struggle with anxiety has been such a rough battle in itself. Anxiety at it’s depths is ugly, and I didn’t want to burden others with my struggles. But that’s where I’m learning about community as well. I’m slowly growing a community around myself that encourages me to draw closer to God when I feel weak. He will never abandon me when I’m afraid. He knows my struggles and fears, and He holds me anyway.
Have you ever given someone something and later decided you should have kept it? Yes, I have too. I get all hyped about cleaning out closets and other little areas of my home, and later have ‘givers remorse.’ But the one thing I’ve never done is to go and ask for it back. Well, except for that one time I gave God my doubt about the new job I had taken and wondered, “Could I learn it?” Oh yeah, or that time I told God I wanted to give Him my concerns over finances, the kids, moving, anxiety about what people think about me…blah, blah, blah…(wow the list is longer than I thought! Lol!) Continue reading “I Gave It To Jesus…Kinda”
It’s always good to feel like you are doing something that makes a positive impact in the world, but sometimes it can be hard to find the time to do something that feels so meaningful. I can tend to look at people in need all over the world and see others who are devoting their lives, or even a week or two, to go and meet those needs.
At one point in time, I too was one of those who was able to go for a week or two on a regular basis to the other side of the world and love on orphans, or build community showers, or serve at a soup kitchen in a poverty stricken area, or speak hope to those who felt hopeless. However, these days, life just seems too full and too busy for world travel.
There are only so many days I can take off of work and even those tend to get scheduled out by others in my life. Also, there’s that whole “adulting” thing where I have bills to pay and a roof to keep over my head, and therefore do not have the resources to be able to fund those trips around the world. I’ve had to accept the fact that the season of globe-trotting for Jesus has come to a close for the time being and that those adventures just won’t happen as often as they used to. Continue reading “Make An Impact: Love Each Other”
Anxiety. A word that’s come up a lot in my years. A word that I know I’m not defined by, but would be lying if I said it hasn’t affected my life.
When I was in the third grade, my teacher told me very gently that I was a worry wart. I laugh writing this now, but she was right. Little things became big things in my mind. Little concerns that most people could brush off consumed my thoughts and sent me into a bit of a tailspin.
Biblically, ‘anxiety’ literally means to be drawn in different directions, or dividing or fracturing a person’s being into parts. If you ask me, that’s a lot like how anxiety feels. Continue reading “Notes From An Anxious Heart”