I Could Never Do That

HardRoad

A few months before my 25th birthday my dad died. It was hard, and I got through it. But one of the things that stood out to me was my cousin praising my mother and I for our strength, stating “I could never do that.”

Recently I have watched a friend going through something similar with her husband, and I’ve been hearing it again, “I could never do that,” referring to her personal strength. Over and over again I hear that phrase attached to grace in the face of tragedy. What you really mean is, “I would never choose that.” You can’t imagine how you would handle it because, honestly, you don’t want to think about something like that happening to your family.  


What you really mean is, “I would never choose that.” You can’t imagine how you would handle it because, honestly, you don’t want to think about something like that happening to your family.


As I’ve begun the journey to be a foster parent, I’ve started hearing it in relation to that. “I could never foster.” “I could never give a child back once I had loved him.” “I could never handle a child with trauma, with baggage, with damage.” “I could never…” “I could never…” “I could never…” You mean “I would never choose to.”

I want to make one thing abundantly clear: I am not telling you to invite personal tragedy. I’m not even necessarily advocating for you to become a foster parent (although, if you are, I will totally cheer you on the whole way). What I am saying is that maybe instead of shying away from the scary, difficult, hard road that puts a knot in your stomach, you press in. Life is going to be hard and scary and tragic at different times regardless, but so often you’re missing something beautiful by avoiding the hard road.


Life is going to be hard and scary and tragic at different times regardless, but so often you’re missing something beautiful by avoiding the hard road.